you know i dunno wtf is going on with u but its making me feel irritated and annoyed. i know you have your commitments and all but i am not a spare tire. u dun come running to me when you need me or when your commitment decides that he cant make it. stop making me feel desperate when all i want to do is talk to you. sometimes, i feel that once is enough. i dun think our friendship is that strong to go through this again. if u are pissed off at something, then tell me. dun act as if i dun exist or i am invisible, because news flash, maybe to you its a moment of instant gratification, but to me its a day of solid hard hurt. if u are that oblivious to everything else, maybe i should be oblivious to u to because fyi, it hurts. it hurts more than you can imagine. when i am with a problem, you are not there for me. you dun even fucking care anyway. even if i look for you to tell you, you cant be bothered yo listen. maybe its just because friends are sometimes really not for keeps.
i know that she has not been treating you stellar for this period of time and i have been receiving praises and everything. but hello, though it was nice for the first few like 2 times, its stressful ok. & the more you hear it, the more it sounds like a threat and an insult than a praise. have you ever thought what are the chances of me screwing up (like 99%) . i cant afford to screw up before, now i dun think i am even allowed to do so. if i dun get the ball in, i am considered to be doing something wrong. asking me to be offensive is like asking me to run when my asthma is coming. the chances are pretty damn low and probably happens only when i am desperate. i dun have the prerequisite for it and we all noe it. i dun want things to change because of it cuz trust me i feel ur helpless and angsty as u are. we are partners, so lets stay this way with our chemistry.
Posted @ 5:28 AMlol i haven blogged for a long long time but i guess winning against ij has inspired a reflection from me about my life.
to me, doing things must have an aim.
and my aim is to do things to the best as long as i have decided to do it.
there are alot of things in the world that does not come with a choice, whether i like it or not (which is pretty sad by the way) and trying to avoid, ignore or run away from it doesnt help.
it just makes me more desperate in the end. probably the ij match was a tight slap across the face.
it just proves to me how hard work means everything and luck can also mean nothing.
maybe she is right, sometimes there are instances where you can be at own time own target.
ah ok, she is right. LOL
i dunno how useful this is going to be but lets hope this will be a lesson and a reminder
Posted @ 6:36 AM
